What are you supposed to do with all the love you have for somebody if that person is no longer there? What happens to all that leftover love? Do you suppress it? Do you ignore it? Are you supposed to give it to someone else?
I’ve made a lot of mistakes. I’ve trusted the wrong people. I’ve invested myself into relationships that meant nothing except burnt photographs and names of reminisce. I’ve said things I didn’t mean out of hurt, jealousy, even vengeance. I have been vindictive. I can be stubborn. I tend to never forgive easily. I hold grudges. Because if I do forgive, I don’t forget. I have the tendency to think I’m always right. (My elementary teacher used to say I could argue that the sky is green until I’m blue in the face.) I’m demanding, I am dominant. Espically, I am temperamental. I change my feelings along with the hour on the clock. This is who I am.
I’ve mad a lot of mistakes, but they have made me into the person I am. I may have not put my trust into the right people, but I’m never going to stop trusting people. I’ve lost time with the wrong people, but they showed me who the right people in my life. I have spoken harsh words like sandpaper, but I do not regret what I said, because they are better spoken than kept silent. I’ve always wished suffering onto those who have done me wrong, but I owe myself my reactions, even the ugly ones. The people who I haven’t forgiven, probably don’t deserve it. And the people I have, deserve to know that forgetting it is the last thing I’ll do. I’m probably right. (My teacher was right: that trait is never going to change. I’m just naturally a know-it-all) I am independent. Typically known as a “bitch” for my assertive actions and my right to say no. I’m temperamental, but I am emotional. I have never lived a grey life. This is who I am, and I am content with it. I know myself better than you ever will. For as many negative character traits I may have, one thing is for sure. I am not hateful. With that being said, I am glad I am not you.
—Self evaluating at 12:28 am (via therestofpage20)
The thing is this, I can’t stop thinking about you. It’s as though my mind has made a home for you, my soul has set a place at the table, and my heart is calling your name over and over again; I hope that you accept the invitation to stay.
John Connolly, The Gates
21 People On What They Would Tell Their 19-Year-Old Selves
- Jonathan, 55: There is no such thing as “the only one”. You will meet lots of “the ones”. Only commit when the timing is right for the both of you – that can take years for some, and that’s okay.
- Miranda, 24: Drop pre-med.
- Isaac, 48: Deodorant does not count as a shower, and that haircut only looked good on Bon Jovi.
- Anya, 42: Make the conscious decision to be happy, and then stick with it. Society will do everything in its power to convince you that your personal happiness is dependent on something external – beauty, success, wealth, etc. – it isn’t.
- Parker, 55: 60% of the things you think are important now won’t matter a whit to you by the time you reach 50. The trick is to figure out the important 40% and work it.
- Megan, 34: He doesn’t love you, and you will be okay.
- Peter, 58: Don’t let anything stand in your way of taking part (or all) of your junior year abroad. You’ll never again have quite the same opportunity to experience a foreign land, for an extended period of time, in your youth. It is destined to be one of the most memorable aspects of your life.
- Eleanor, 67: Talk less. Listen more.
- Donald, 27: There’s a huge difference between who you want to be and who everyone around you wants you to be. Figure out which is which.
- Camille, 56: Always remember: when falling off a horse, pull your tongue in.
- Jackson, 57: No one knows anything for sure. They’re all just doing the best they can with what they have, just like you.
- Vicki, 47: You’ll never have all the answers, so make every question count.
- Donald, 38: You don’t have to grow up to be the dad you never had.
- Katelyn, 30: Make the most out of college. You will never again be at a place where your only goal is to learn. Learn a lot, learn often, and learn with reckless abandon.
- Joshua, 55: Women love to laugh.
- Annabelle, 38: Drugs are not beautiful, glamorous or opulent. They are not a remedy, a solution, a cure-all, or a cure-anything.
- Colin, 50: You miss so much life when you sleep until 3 PM. Wake up to see sunrises; they are the most stunning of nature’s masterpieces.
- Eleanor, 26: Eating two pints of ice cream won’t make you happy. Neither will sprinting 10 miles. Be nice to yourself.
- Aaron, 52: Don’t forget to ask that girl in the Oberlin library what kind of perfume she’s wearing. You’ll buy it for her in 20 years.
- Scarlett, 54: Don’t be afraid to be yourself. Those that get you will love you, those that don’t, well, their loss. Just remember: Wherever you are, it’s a party.
- Zack, 9: I hope you’re awesome. And be nice to girls.